Faith in itself can be a troubling issue, at times we hand it out where it is not deserved, at time we never receive it when it is only rightly deserved. However it isn't always a terrible thing, it can work in great harmony forming some of the best relationships, friendships, or even partnerships period in life... However this is a blog regarding chaos and craziness so of course we will not be discussing an example of that harmonious balance. Respect works much in the same way, handed out to the undeserving and neglected of those who are very worthy of it. What happens when you mix these traits with emotions can be basis for a solid time tested bond, or a recipe for disaster! Again the blog is not titled "Fun, Happy, Harmonious Times in the Life of Yours Truly" so let us take a look at that sarcastic filled recipe for disaster shall we!?
I am by no means naive, however sometimes I feel that I am too giving with my emotions and trusts, sadly not a cycle I can break. I bring new meaning to the term "turn the other cheek" and even when I have run out of cheeks, I find myself still holding on to things I have put faith and respect in. Giving myself in ways that others may not feel is even close to necessary, even borderline absurd. I do it in all aspects of life, job relationships, friendships, and it has most definitely been a downfall in ALL of my relationships. I like to think of myself as slightly selfless (excuse me if I sound mildly conceited right now, but I have a point just stay with me) However don't have the full definition down because to be selfless means you give without expecting in return or having any feelings pretty much. I can most definitely give without expecting per say, the same thing in return, yet I can not kick those egotistical selfish desires for some type of recognition. In after thought maybe I am not as selfless as I like to think, maybe the word for it is overly generous. LOL. I will reschedule my day to fit in the need of someone close, I will give you my last dollar if you need it, there are many extremes that I will go to to make those I keep close feel loved, or to make sure they never go without, even if it brings me struggles, or some type of inner turmoil. That said I feel I am only fairly deserved a thank you, or a form of recognition or gratitude of some sort, apparently I am wrong in this thought; at least my past dealings have shown me so.
I have formed many long lasting close knit tight bonds with many different types of people there has to be some reason for that; I'd like to think that it is because I am a likable caring person. I have been guilty of giving faith and respect to those who have never taken the time out of their day to show me that gratitude or recognition that I feel I am so justly owed, however I never cease to be there or care for those people. I feel that lots of times that comes back to bite me in my own emotional ass. But that bite never seems to sting as much as it does when you watch these same people shout the praises, of those doing next to nothing for them, from the roof tops! GRRRRRRR!!! So quick to jump on the "New faith bandwagon" hold on to every word of such new introduction of some unbacked hope being offered, that they forget about those who have been there like concrete and more giving than then the RedCross! WTF!!! Then you over time watch "New faith's" word fall through, again and again, but yet "new faith" is some how getting all the respect and faith that you have more than time testedly deserve??? Curious situation this is, because some how when this new movement falls through or passes you are still leaning on the same concrete you metaphorical spit on by never acknowledging!!! So I sit back and fight the sensations of being straight jacket, screaming profanities, while being sedated in a psych ward, and some how find the strength to continue to be that rock for you..... all because I care....so does it come to a point where you have to separate your emotions and be realistic or do you continue to do onto others as you would love to have done on to you? It's really a moral crossroads for me and I am not sure if I will ever have the correct answer, all I know is that those sensations of straight jackets, some days feel more like premonitions of my immediate, near future!
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