Not your average 9 to 5, borderline charity work...

All of  the sickening, over used, cliche sayings of love are in fact all very very very true. My favorite has to be " You can't help who you love", ahh the way that this applies to my life is actually quite disturbing. Love is an insane thing, it will make you do things that you never imagined  you were capable of, it will expand your heart and patience farther than you have ever thought possible, it can wreck your world in ways that you could have never envisioned. There is a big difference between love and a relationship, anyone who has been through one of the two or even both could tell you that. I have had 3 relationships that were meaningful enough to even mention, out of those 3 have come tons of tears, memories, blood (literally), sweat ( keep ya mind out the gutter), more tears, arguments, domestic disturbances (every once and a while, it's normal  right?) and even a human life!  Out of the 3 though my current situation has to be one of the most perplexing to me and many that surround me, I have watched myself bend till I break, take more than I have ever thought of my self being able to handle, all for a greater cause! To me the last of the the famous 3, my most recent experience has to be love! No one stand up and cheer yet, hold the applause because I said it was love to me, does not mean that the one I will do superhuman things for reciprocates that emotion. I often think of my past situations in terms of my current and in my mind (which is far from average or quote normal end quote) I set up something like a talk show stage with all three of them in those tall chairs on one side and a host or hostess on the other, with the lovely subtitle (fill in some clever title here), all to discuss their relationships respectively with me. I watch the host go down the line and hear their own stories of life with me, good times and bad. I hear them all chime in when it comes to certain topics they can all relate to, I never claimed to be the easiest of people to live with, but they are no angels either, I just know what they would all have the same response toward. Then I can imagine the host getting to the current situation, the one whom I will blindly declare love for in more ways than one. When he speaks I see the other 2 sitting with jaws wide..."you did what... and she didn't smash your things or sell your clothes" ... "wait you got away with that....how?" ... "she still does this for you...what?!!?!" I see them looking at #3 with as much amazement and disbelief as those around me. Because even those around me can see that this one, number 3, has done things that the others never would have dreamed of, has tested my superhuman strengths and patience farther than others would have dared, and has most definitely made it longer and stronger than 1 or 2.  When the host brings me out and asks that question we are all dying to hear, "What makes number 3 so different?" I feel like the logical answer would have to be love!
If that is the answer that fits, why do I not hear the birds singing every morning, why do I not have a happy montage leading up to a picture perfect future, why is it not Hollywood cookie cutter love? I would have to believe that the only answer to that is that this modern marvel, the one who has lasted through time, the one who has tested me to all limits, does not feel it the way I do. It may be heart breaking to speak but at the same time there are only so many answers for this question, and I have come to terms with the answer, yet I continue my epic action packed pursuit for one reason and one reason alone....I still believe in humanity, logic, and fairness! I can not possibly give up on that! For up there is a down for right there is a left... every thing in life has it's balance and it's counterpart. I feel like he is my counter part, there is a reason that we have made it to this point even if by we I mean me pulling the weight of both of us. We have such a long history.... things that can never be replaced if I were to just meet someone today... yet the work that I put in to this has been absolutely tiring, and has more than broken my spirits, esteem, and attitude.
The work of  number 3, can not be filed under your average 9-5, nor could it even be compared to work for board situations, most closely accurate is charity work. It is a lot of time, money, and sacrifice. I do it all for what to me is the greater cause, a life of happiness, in a respectful, giving relationship. I don't mind hard work, anyone who knows me can tell you that. I came from a job where I worked over 70 hours a week for mediocre pay, when I live in pittsburgh I worked not one not two but three jobs at one time, I am currently successfully completing a 4 year degree in 2... so hard work is no stranger to hard work, because in most cases hard work has a fruitful return. You work hard at a job and you make money, you work hard at school and you get a degree with honors, etc. But putting you hard work in to and faith into another human is like taking your life savings and investments to Atlantic City to gamble. You never know your return, humans are not a guarantee or a solid bet. The free will of the mind can play out for the best or the worst, it can make sound smart decisions and terrible insane choices. That free will can also look past what all see as something so fitting and perfect and try to sabotage it out of fear to have something good. The human mind nothing that can be controlled, or even predicted, so the work you put into a human has got to be the more risky than any of the deadliest of jobs. I can't say that I have written the book on this subject though, so I am left with no answers only my broad understanding and experience with this subject. Yet I can offer no advice, I can't even take my own advice, I can only report it... till next time.